


Custos Vitae

by Silver_Ivy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Harry, Dark Voldemort, Dubious Consent, Hurt/Comfort, Imprisonment, Kissing, Light Harry, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Rough Sex, Top Voldemort (Harry Potter), Torture, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-05-31 20:04:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15126866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver_Ivy/pseuds/Silver_Ivy
Summary: A month ago being captured by Lord Voldemort would have been the worst scenario Harry could have imagined. But now, with Harry dying and his friends safe, it doesn't really matter to him





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end of the year Hogwarts now has a two week break between the end of exams and going home.

Harry Potter reread the passage for the tenth time, “One of the main reasons for Herpo the Foul’s success as a Dark Lord was his utilization of various strengthening and enhanced healing rituals along with the Custos Vitae ritual, which guarantees protection for the recipient at the expense of a willing sacrifice, and Horcruxes which split the soul to bind one to the earth. These precautions made him extremely hard to kill securing his place as one of the most fearsome dark lords in history,” Harry shut the book looked with dread to the history essay due tomorrow. Couldn’t he just not do it? Binns probably wouldn’t notice anyways, but Hermione would. Even when he had to worry about Voldemort, teaching a third of the school defense because of the toad, his horrible Occlumency lessons, he still had to do all his schoolwork or suffer Hermione’s disapproval for weeks.

Fifth year was a mess.  
— — — — —

 

Sirius was dead. Sirius was dead and it was all his fault. It hurt more then Voldemort’s crucios last year, more then Cedric’s death last year, more then the steady ache at his lack of parents. Oh Merlin, all his friends would die trying to protect him and he would be left with nothing but guilt and pain. It would be worse then death. And why? it was insane that he was deemed more valuable like he might actually be able to defeat Voldemort. Because of some stupid ambiguous prophecy? Voldemort had more power, experience and cunning. He couldn’t match that so he would die running and his friends would die coming to his rescue. 

Then an idea popped into his head, an unwelcome dangerous idea. Everyone would call him crazy; tell him that it was stupid and not worth it. He told himself that it was crazy and told himself he shouldn’t even consider it. That night he grabbed his cloak and made his way to the restricted section with a nervous knot in his stomach.

— — — —  
“The Custos Vitae ritual is class SS dark magic and will earn anyone involved a lifetime sentence to Azkaban. It is documented here for purely academic purposes, and should not be attempted under any circumstance.

Custos Vitae is a ritual that allows the caster to sacrifice their life in order to offer unconditional protection to a recipient of their choice. The ritual requires an underage wizard or witch to willingly sacrifice their life. Once preformed the caster will live one to two more years depending on the strength of the caster’s magic. Provided the caster does not die of other causes before the ritual kills them the person receiving the ritual will be rendered effectively immortal for one hundred years past the day they would have died. It is also possible for the caster protect multiple recipients but the years would be divided between the casters recipients. For example if the caster incorporates three recipients into the ritual each will receive thirty three years of protection.

Unlike most rituals the Custos Vitae ritual is fairly easy to preform. The caster must first gather an ounce of their blood each day for one week in a stone bowl. After the seventh day a single drop of unicorn blood and one hair from the recipient(s) must be added to the mixture. A common variation on the ritual was to use an excess of one fluid ounce of a willing unicorn’s blood collected by the caster. This this substitution makes it impossible for anything but the ritual to kill the caster but will also increase the severity of side effects the caster will experience. Next the mixture must be left outside under a full moon. Finally the caster must drink the mixture at sunrise with the intent to sacrifice their life of their own free will.

Over the next two years the casters magic will become less powerful and erratic. After three to four months the caster will no longer to preform high level magic like the Patronus charm, elemental magic and the Animagus transformation. Half a year after the ritual the caster will no longer be able to learn new magic and should the caster still be alive a year after the ritual they will barely be able to produce basic spells. In addition to losing their magic the caster will suffer physical symptoms that vary from caster to caster but tipically include: frequent fevers, fatigue, migraines, random burning sensations, coughing up blood and vomiting. In many cases the caster also becomes apathetic after preforming the ritual.

Upon the casters death the recipient(s) will receive protection. The magic lies dormant and and does not effect the recipient at all until a event that would have killed recipient occurs. After the magic activates the recipient will be healed to a reasonable state whenever killed for the duration that the protection is active.” 

Harry closed the book and bolted out of the library, it was a stupid idea.  
— — — —

Harry cut the top of his wrist and winced as the blood flowed into an appropriately sized potions vial. The blood flowed freely out of him; he didn’t even feel the flow. The blood was dark and the action was perverse. The vial was full now, he whispered a quick healing spell and the wounded vanished. He poured the vial into the stone bowl. That was his second day.

He had the names. Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny Luna, Fred and George. And then there was Dumbledore, forget the prophecy if anyone would be able to vanquish Voldemort it would be Dumbledore. It would be a little over fourteen years to guarantee his friends lived through the war and that the light had the best chance of winning.

— — — —  
There were two unicorns standing before him cautiously. When he had went into the forbidden Forrest looking for unicorns he hadn’t actually expected to find one, let alone two in the frist hour of searching. They were hesitant. 

“Erm...hi unicorn. I was wondering if I could use a little of your blood?” He said feeling like a complete idiot. “I need it to protect my friends. I’m always leading them into dangerous situations because someone powerful is trying to kill me. And my friends are always there for me putting themselves in danger. I couldn’t bear to have one of them die because of me. So I really hope one of you will give a little blood, to protect them.” He said babbling.

The unicorns shared a look like they had actually understood him. Then one approached. 

He looked in wonder at it “Thanks” he said and fumbled with the knife. The unicorn didn’t bolt when he pulled it out. It didn’t move when he made a shallow incision on the unicorn’s shoulder. Finally when he had enough he pulled the stone bowl back. As soon as he whispered the healing spell the unicorns galloped off leaving him there with the complete ritual mixture. Oh Merlin he really was going to do this. Like actually go through with it. The full moon was tomorrow night.  
— — — — —

He waited by the potion all night. Sitting there in his invisibility cloak in the middle of the forbidden forest. Fretting and doubting his choice. But in the end when the sun rose, with shaking hands he grabbed mixture and gulped it down while thinking about how he was doing this on his own free will and how he wanted to protect his friends even at the cost of his own life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this seemed interesting to you please leave a comment and subscribe to be notified about updates. 
> 
> Do note that I respond to comments and like to read through them, it is much easier for me to read through comments that are on the most recent chapter so I would appreciate if you posted your comment on the most recent chapter.


	2. reception

“My lord, I have brought you the Potter boy.” Narcissa bowed.

And this was what he got for going to Gringotts to sort out his will. Great, just great.

“You have pleased me...I shall consider a request if you have one.” Voldemort said softly.

“Please reconsider your plans for my son...Draco, he is only a child.” Narcissa said, her head still downwards.

Voldemort looked at her with much consideration. Harry pulled lazily on the ropes; his struggle didn’t matter much. The Mansion was kinda nice. Maybe Malfoy did have a reason to brag, but he was probably going to be locked in the cellar so it hardly mattered how nice the sitting room was.

Voldemort finally spoke bringing Harry’s attention back to the conversation “He... shall still attempt it, however it will no longer be expected.”

“Thank you, my lord.” Narcissa bowed again “you are truly generous.”

“Leave us.” Voldermort said, his voice just above a whisper. Narcissa quickly fled.

Voldemort turned to him, red eyes pierced into green and the green eyes looked back proudly. “Harry Potter.” Voldemort said almost reverently “any last words?”

He wasn’t going to die, at least not yet. If he did then he failed and he didn’t want to think about that. An image of Ron and Hermione gripping each other as Death Eaters surrounded them with nowhere to turn as green light shot out at them flickered in his mind. He really didn’t want to think about that.

“Not yet.” He said and looked Voldemort straight in his clear red eyes just daring Voldemort to question his choice of words. 

Voldemort quirked his head slightly and hesitated. He tried to to search out further clues to Harry’s words but found none. He didn’t raise his wand, not yet. Instead he asked. “Then when shall you?” His words turning into an inquisitive hiss.

“Two years.” Harry replied.

Voldemort laughed, something less wicked than the graveyard but still sinister. He then raised his nonexistent eyebrows.

“And you think I will wait for them?” He asked.

“No.” Harry replied simply.

“Harry Potter, you... have intrigued me. You shall live another day.” Voldermort hissed

“I was planning on it anyways but nice to know I have your permission.”

“Crucio.” Voldermort cast startlingly loud compared to his usual quiet, it was still quiet though.

All consuming pain tore into him, white hot knifes were cutting his flesh, his bones burned and ached from the inside and his head felt like it was splitting apart. Harry screamed louder than Voldemort’s shout and collapsed from his previous sitting position. Above him Voldemort’s features twisted into a cruel smile as his eyes dilated.

Voldemort did not hold the curse long; small mercies. 

“I will teach you respect before you die, worthless boy.” Voldermort hissed.

Harry did not respond but he managed to sit back up and meet Voldemort’s eyes. He would not beg, he would not plead, he would not comply but he didn’t need to taunt Voldemort excessively. That was just asking for another Crucio and he was wasn’t a masochist.

Voldemort broke the eye contact first and it felt like a victory. Of course those things really didn’t matter now. 

“Bella.” He shouted, turning slightly towards the entrance. 

Less then a minute latter she bounding in, energy and magic buzzing around her. Her eyes widened when she caught a glimpse of Harry. Her eyes darted between Harry and Voldemort, curious but too respectful to question anything.

“Master, how may I serve you?” Bellatrix said smiling through her words and low bow.

“Take Potter to the dungeons...do not hurt him too much.” Voldemort whispered and turned away leaving Harry with Bellatrix. 

Harry looked at Bellatrix and she grinned manically. The...the anger was gone. Just like the fear wasn’t there when Narcissa grabbed ahold of him and abruptly apparated him off of Gringotts’ steps. It was honestly disturbing. Bellatrix grinned wider.

“You and me little Potter, we’ll have so much fun. We never got to your lesson? Did we?” Bellatrix said her voice sickly sweet.

Harry groaned internally but did not answer her. Great, this was exactly how he wanted to spend his Saturday. Getting hit with a Crucio repetitively was just soooo much fun.

“Crucio” she cast. And there was pain upon pain, all consuming and encompassing. He screamed loudly and slumped in his ropes.

“Has no one taught you manners boy? answer when your spoken to.” She said.

Harry coughed and weakly pulled himself back up into a sitting position “they said I could ignore them around psychotic bitches.” Harry said. If she was going to curse him anyways it didn’t matter what he said to provoke her.

“Crucio.” 

Harry slumped again this time shaking too much to right himself, though he still turned his head to face Bellatrix unflinching.

“Maybe if I cut out your tongue that would cure your smart mouth.” She said with a giggle. 

Harry’s eyes widened and his thoughts went to his tongue, the weight of it in his mouth, how it would feel cut off with blood filling his mouth from the stump. He wouldn’t be able to talk without it. He swallowed hard. Oh hell no, this was not happening. This was so not happening. Well then how to get out of it? He was dealing with Bellatrix who liked to hurt things, was insane and was insanely loyal to Voldemort. Bingo.

“Didn’t your master say not to hurt me too much?” He said.

“He did, didn’t he?” She said her mood falling a bit.

“He did.” Harry reassured. He liked his tongue thank you very much.

“Crucio” she yelled and began to smile again. She held it longer this time and Harry was shaking uncontrollably by the end of it.

“See, you want to enjoy causing the pain, have to really want it for it to hurt. Should I show you again?” She asked. There was barely any time for him to respond before she was casting again. His vision went out in spots as pain radiated throughout him. His screams made his sore throat burn and multiply in pain under the curse.

When the curse had finally been lifted he was coughing something was stuck in in his throat. 

“Oh no, is Itty bitty baby Potter huwt? Does he need his mommy to kiss it and make it bettew?” 

His weak, shaking, aching limbs just managed to lift him slightly before blood came up. Red on the floor. In shock he brought a finger to his lips and when he pulled it back it was red. A horrible red. Oh god he really was dying. It would just be two more years now, one if he was unlucky. What had he done? And the answer came back stronger than the panic and filled him with a sense of calm. He had saved his friends.

“No, no no.” She said “Crucio doesn’t do this, it doesn’t do this. He will be fine, it is just blood. Master said I can hurt him some, it is fine”

With one last look at the spot of blood through his spotted vision he collapsed. Bellatrix’s shriek of terror followed shortly after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be one of the worst chapters in terms of how much Harry gets hurt, so just know this is not going to be a torture fest. Anyways kudos? comments?


	3. Cellar

Harry woke up in a cold, pitch black, musty room. Beneath him was a mattress, probably transfigured, and on top was a blanket, thankfully thick. Well, how nice of Bellatrix. 

He wondered if it was worth leaving the warmth and relative comfort of his bed thing. Probably not, it would be if he was trying to escape. Not to say he wouldn’t bolt if given the opportunity, he was sure a Hawaii vacation was much more enjoyable than a Malfoy cellar, but there wasn’t a need for him out there, not when he was just a sacrificial lamb waiting to bleed out.

He pulled the blankets in tighter and tried to not think of anything. It all made him want to cry, but he wouldn’t show weakness here, not to so many people who liked to hurt. Well there was one thing he could think about; his friends.

He closed his eyes and it was as dark as before. He could almost see it, after a while Ron and Hermione would finally realize how crazy they were for each other, get married and have a nice cozy house on a hill with two and a half kids. Of course Hermione would manage some high level ministry position and Ron would go on to the Auror corps without him. Ginny, he couldn’t imagine her settling down quickly, she had too much fire. Maybe she would go into Quidditch, a star chaser for the best team. Yeah he could see that. Luna, she might travel the world and find that crumpled horn thing. Then She would write some brilliantly dreamy article on the animal that would make the Quibbler the most popular newspaper ever. A slight smile formed on his lips.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs drew him out of his musings. He scrambled out of his warmth and sat anxiously waiting for the person to get there already. Unless it was another torture fest, then could that person please get here as slowly as humanly possible?

The door came open with a loud slam and just the faintest trickle of light reached the room, but in the doorway he could make out Bellatrix’s silhouette.

“Come boy, the dark lord wants to see you.” She said already coming towards him to firmly grip his arm and drag him upwards and out. Her grip was bruising as she dragged him up steep stairs before passing through the sitting room just to go up more stairs. Two flights of lavish interior later Harry was being thrust inside a mahogany door.

Voldemort got up from a chair and desk to turn and face him. Voldemort’s eyes were on him and he felt bare under Voldemort’s glaze.

“You are still in one piece.” He said at last.

“She wanted to cut out my tongue.”

“That might be an improvement.”

Harry swallowed. “As long as you don’t tell her that.”

There was a spark in Voldermort’s eye too easily missed but reminiscent of a genuine laugh. But too soon his gaze turned scathing.

“How do you plan to survive?” Voldemort hissed

“I don’t”

“Then prepare to die Harry Potter.” Voldemort said lifting his wand dramatically.

“Umm...” Harry hesitated “that won’t kill me.” 

Voldemort’s hand dropped back to his side again 

“Tell me what you have done.” Voldemort ordered.

“Now why would I do that?” Yeah right, like he was going to let Voldemort know that there would be seven un-killable people on the light side as long as they survived two more years. That was the only thing he really didn’t want to happen.

“Tell me now.” Voldemort whispered, the quiet more frightening than loud could ever could be.

Red to green, green to red. “No.”

“Crucio.”

He was on the floor screaming. White hot knifes tore into his flesh his bones burned inside his body and his head felt about to split open. It was relief when it was finally taken off.

“Are you ready to talk now?” Voldemort asked him softly.

Harry dragged out the silence as long as he could get away with. “Never” he finally said.

“Crucio” Voldemort cast again.

He coughed and his limbs were shaking now.

“This can stop any time you want.” Voldemort said with a cruel sweetnesses.

“If I tell you why I can’t be killed.” Harry panted.

“Exactly.”

“Well...I won’t.”

Voldemort frowned. “Crucio.”

Blinding pain and spots in his vision formed. A second to look up at Voldemort before his limbs became lead and his vision and the pain started to fade. He could feel the burning pain become more and more removed. Like some sound loud enough to hurt your ears when next to it becoming little more than a whisper a kilometer away. The pain was the only thing holding him to consciousness and he wanted to let it go.

All the pain was gone and there was nothing tying him to consciousness anymore.

“Rennervate.” Voldemort lazily cast and Harry’s eyes shot open. His body was shaking and his airway was blocked. He started coughing, the thing in his throat, it was like before. Blood. “Anapneo.” 

His throat cleared and the coughing stoped. Voldemort wouldn’t see the blood, thankfully. Voldemort looked down at him and their eyes met. Red to green, greed to red. He was still shaking and his previous determination was tired, oh so tired.

“Stubborn boy.” Voldemort said quietly. “You cannot resist forever.”

“N-not forever, just t-two years.” Harry’s voice was shaking like his body.

“Hmm...so after two years, shall you roll over and die?”

Harry smiled, a smirk really. “Exactly.”

Voldemort laughed, cruel and imposing but there was a spark in his eye. 

“You shall tell me what you have done tomorrow.” Voldemort said.

“I won’t.” Voldemort tore his eyes from Harry’s 

“Bella.” Voldemort called and she burst into the room, she must have been waiting outside.

“Take him to the dungeons, you may do as you wish but he must be able to speak tomorrow.” Voldemort said.

“Yes master.” Bellatrix bowed.

Harry’s eyes widened. Oh the future pain.

Voldemort turned back towards him. “Have you changed your mind?” Voldermort said softly sensing his weakness.

“No.” 

Bellatrix stood there waiting for a sign that whatever her master wanted with Harry was completely finished.

“I have work to do Bella.” 

“Of course, master.” She said and scrambled to grab Harry’s arm to drag him out of there in a bruising grip.

His body was limp and shaking as Bellatrix dragged him down to his cell. She dropped him halfway down and he fell towards the floor. Her eyes were alight with manic glee. 

“Crucio.”

At the first touch of the curse, rennervate lost its hold and he fell into unconscious. Thankfully Bella didn’t have the same idea as her master.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you think? Kudos? Comments? The next chapter will be posted between July 9-13.


	4. Fever

There were no blankets or mattresses this time, just cold hard floor and the pitch black musty room. The room couldn’t be any warmer than yesterday but he was burning up, his skin felt too hot and cold at the same time. He mostly felt like he was being cooked alive. When he sat up the world spun, his head buzzed slightly and he could barely stay like that. He laid back down on the hard floor. His muscles ached from the hardness of the floor and maybe the Cruitais curse. He swallowed; his throat was parched. He let the dizzy fever take him back into unconsciousness.

The door sung open with a loud slam and Harry sat up startled from his slumber. It was a bad idea; the world spun at a dizzying speed and his head pulsed gently as the world buzzed 

“Get up boy. The dark lord wants to see you” Bellatrix said as she grabbed him from where he sat on the floor. The world spun more violently and he stumbled behind her. The light exposed the spots in his vision. He tried his best to not fall over.

Two flights of stairs had never seemed like much before but now it winded him. The world still spun and his vision was unseeing even in the spots that he could see through. He focused on his breathing, in, out, in, out.

Bellatrix shoved him into Voldemort’s study making him stumble and fall over. He got up as quickly as he could swaying lightly on his feet. Don’t fall down, don’t fall down.

“Harry Potter, now, tell me why you cannot currently be killed.” Voldemort demanded.

Harry’s ears were as unhearing as his eyes were unseeing, that is to say he knew Voldemort had spoken but for the life of him he couldn’t tell what was said. “No.” He said. It was a safe answer, Voldemort and him usually disagreed.

“You shall tell me eventually, why not save yourself the pain?” Voldemort said softly.

He tried to look up at Voldemort defiantly. He was sure that Voldemort was demanding something he didn’t want to give. Most of his vision was in spots now, he swayed violently on his feet, oh so dizzy and oh so hot. The world buzzed slightly as it tried to burn him alive.

“Potter.” Voldemort said sharply. Why wasn’t Potter responding?

He looked up and managed to meet Voldemort glaze, it was inquisitive. The spots overtook more of his vision and everything spun too much. He was oh so dizzy and hot. He collapsed to the floor unconscious.

Voldemort would have given a yelp but dark lords do not yelp, especially dark lords so feared that the public won’t say their name. 

“Rennervate” Voldemort cast and Harry didn’t even move slightly.

Voldemort looked at Harry. Well this was...curious. He walked over and nudged Potter’s shoulder with his foot. It seemed the boy was actually unconscious.

What was wrong with Potter? Voldemort knelt down and placed a hand across Harry’s forehead. Harry was as hot as the showers that Voldemort took, definitely not normal human temperature. Very suboptimal for convincing Harry to divulge his secrets.

Voldemort didn’t know what made him do it but he quickly adjusted Harry’s limbs to be in a more natural position. 

“Bella.” He called.

She bounded in “yes master?” 

He gestured to Potter “does he look like he is able to speak, to you?”

“No master, I am sorry master, I will not fail you again, I will accept whatever punishment you have for me.” Bellatrix bowed lower.

“Crucio.” Voldemort cast. 

Bellatrix bit her lip hard to keep from making a sound; the spell didn’t last long.

“What did you do with him?” Voldemort asked.

“I only cast Crucio once and put him in the dungeon.” Bellatrix said.

“Take him away and put him in a bed, insure that he doesn’t collapse tomorrow.” Voldemort said lazily.

“Yes master, thank you master.” Bellatrix said hurrying to collect Harry and drag him out the door.

“Wait” Voldemort said and in an instant Bellatrix had turned around, “has he eaten anything.”

Bellatrix hung her head. “No master”

“Has he even had any water?” Voldermort asked his voice a half hiss.

Bellatrix’s head lowered further “No master.”

Voldemort sighed and rubbed his temples. “Get out of my sight.” Bellatrix quickly complied.

Voldemort relaxed into his chair, he tried to focus on his work but his thoughts kept drifting back to the Potter brat. Oh, he would kill him but not until he was certain that it wouldn’t have unforeseen consequences. Sure there was probably noting to worry about. Sure the Potter brat was probably lying through his teeth to buy time in hopes of escape but one could never be too sure. After all last time he had cast the curse at the brat he had been locked into that golden connection, and the time before that he had lost his body for over ten years. Yes even as great as he was even he, the dark lord, could overlook things from time to time.

And then there was Potter unique response to the cruciatus curse. For one it the curse induce coughing, but of course that could just be a sickness of some sort. Then there was the fainting, it shouldn’t be possible for someone to pass out while under the curse. Figures that the Potter brat would be the exception to it seeing as he was the exception to everything. Killing curse kills everyone except Harry Potter. Touch should do nothing except with Harry Potter it burns. Spells don’t interact with each other except with Harry Potter then they meet and turn golden. One way portkeys work one way, except with Harry Potter who makes them work two ways. No one has ever resisted his possession once he has gotten inside them except Harry Potter who has. Really, maybe he should keep Potter around just to study the brat’s ability to stop magic from functioning. But that would certainly be more trouble than it was worth.

Tomorrow he would force the brat to answer every question no matter how many Crucios he needed to cast and then, if it was safe, the brat would die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Anyways kudos, comments. The next chapter will be posted between 14-17


	5. Stubbornness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about Voldemort’s changing eye color, I just read this portion of the book and got confused and wrong. Anyways he has red eyes...again.

The first thing Harry noticed when he woke up was that the room was bright...well not so much bright as not pitch black. The room was actually quite dark as it was was the middle of the night. From what he could make out in the dark it was in a large lavish bedroom, truthfully he doubted that Malfoy had any non-lavish bedrooms. 

When he looked next to the bed he jumped back with a slight yelp. There was a pair of large eyes that caught the moonlight making them glow. Upon later inspection they were attached to a patiently waiting house elf. He hoped that it hadn’t been there all night but he had a suspicion that it had.

“prisoner be’s awake now, I’s be getting prisoner his food now.” The elf popped off before Harry could say a thing and was back with a tray of food before Harry could realize how hungry he was.

A tray was set in front of him. It had to be poisoned. Well it couldn’t kill him, he still hesitated.

“Mistress Bellatrix says tippy’s to be making sure prisoner be’s eating his food when he’s waking up.” The elf told him and looked at him expectantly.

Harry took a bite. It was a very good beef stew, he took another bite more quickly and closed his eyes. 

There was a glass of water on the tray and Harry grabbed it greedily and drank the whole thing. Harry then ate a few more bites of the stew before looking back at the elf. It was smiling widely at him.

“Thank you tippy.” He said and the elf looked about to cry.

“Prisoners be so nice to tippy, no ones nice to tippy. Tippy be hopping prisoner not stay prisoner.” 

Harry smiled at the elf and returned to eating his food. There was too little but he doubted he could have eaten more.

“Does prisoner be wanting more food?” The elf asked.

“No, that was the perfect amount.”

“Tippys be off then.” The elf grabbed the tray and it was gone.

Harry first waked over to the door; it was locked. Then the other door, it was a bathroom. Then the window, it couldn’t be opened. He picked up the bedside lamp and tried to break the window but it didn’t even touch the window. It was charmed then. Harry sighed; an easy escape really was too much to hope for.

He glanced at the bathroom, he really could use a shower.

— — — —

“Up boy, the dark lord wants to see you.” Bellatrix said coming into the room. He moved to follow behind her before she could grab his arm. He already had enough bruises thank you. She didn’t make a move to grab him but as he followed he down the corridors he hardly thought it would be a good idea to try and bolt. 

The door to Voldemort’s study opened and he walked in.

“Harry Potter.” Voldemort hissed. Harry Potter looked up, red to green, green to red.

“Voldemort” harry said, his voice strong.

“Are you ready tell me your secrets or do you wish to suffer more? Voldemort asked quietly.

“Is there a third option?” Harry asked.

Voldemort laughed a cold, high and cruel laugh. “No.”

“Well I’m not telling you my secrets.” 

“Very well then, Crucio.” Voldemort cast. It was pain upon pain, his bones were on fire and his head was splitting apart. He screamed loudly and fell to the floor. The curse seemed to last forever, it was definitely longer than last time. But amidst the pain Harry noticed that it hurt slightly less; it was barely noticeable.

“Still defiant?” Voldemort hissed

Harry turned to face Voldemort “Yes.” He answered his voice was still strong.

“You will give in, in time.” 

“I won’t”

“Crucio Voldemort said. Voldemort held it even longer this time, until Harry’s whole world was pain. Until Voldemort the manor and Harry’s slowly approaching death no longer existed.

When Voldemort finally lifted the curse Harry was breathing heavily and shaking 

“Second thoughts?” Voldemort asked quietly.

Harry took some more shaky breaths “My brain will turn to mush before I tell you a singe thing.”

“So much fire.” Voldemort whispered. “But you are wrong, I would never let that happen to you Harry.” Voldemort looked down at him “Lord Voldemort has much more restraint than his death eaters.” Voldemort paused “you see harry, I will have you brought here each day and you will know pain. Each day it will last until you are a moment from snapping. Every single day until you give in. And Harry, if you still do not give in, i know spells that play nightmares before your eyes. How would you like to watch your godfather die over and over again? How would you like to see the mangled corpses of your friends tell you how you have failed them?” Voldemort’s stare was cold, oh so cold.

Harry sighed and blinked slowly. He was tired and wished that his death would come sooner. It had only been four days, how would he endure two years? A solution.

Harry made his shaking limbs stand up. He then looked Voldemort in the eye, unwavering. Red to green, green to red. “I...I will endure every second under your curse, even when the pain is so great I would rather die, I won’t give in. And if you force me to watch visions of my friends dying over and over again, it will probably hurt more than the cruitais curse but I still won’t tell you a thing. And do you know why Voldemort? I love my friends more than someone like you could ever imagine and I would never do anything that could possibly hurt them. So I will never tell you my secrets because you could use them to hurt my friends.”

“You will regret that Harry Potter Cru...” Voldemort hissed.

“But.” Harry interrupted “I do have one secret I can share.” 

Voldemort looked at him inquisitively “It is?”

“The prophecy. After the battle at the department of Mysteries we both left thinking it had been lost forever, shattered, but Dumbledore knew it word for word. And he told me, now I know it word for word.” Harry finished.

“You will tell me everything in time.” Voldermort said lazily.

“No, I won’t.”

“You may think that you can endure. It is nothing more than foolish idealism. Everyone cracks eventually.”

“Then I will crack in two years.” Harry said.

Voldemort laughed again.

“When I am dead. So you can pointlessly torture me and I will never tell you a thing, you can also try to kill me and let me assure you it won’t work. But in two years I will die and you will never know what the prophecy said, and you will never know why I couldn’t be killed. Or I can tell you the prophecy now, word for word, and you will agree to not torture me. You will let me keep my other secrets, and I will tell you this one.”

Voldemort looked at him, considering it for a long time. “Tell me the prophecy, you may keep your other secrets.”

Harry smiled slightly, relived mostly. “The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies.” Harry recited.

“Interesting.” Voldemort said softly “what unknown power do you have?”

“I don’t know, Dumbledore thinks it is love. I think he’s crazy.” Harry said.

Voldemort laughed, it might have been genuine that time. It sound different. Harry smiled a bit. 

Voldemort turned to him and raised his wand. There was a spark of hesitance but for less then half a second. Then his eyes turned cruel again “Crucio.” 

It took Harry by surprise. It was weaker still. Notheless his head felt about to split open and white hot knifes cut his flesh. Harry fell over and screamed.

When Voldemort lifted the curse Harry looked up at him. Even Voldemort could see the hurt in Harry’s face; his eyes practically bled betrayal.

“You seriously thought that I would honor your agreement?” Voldemort hissed

“Yes.” Harry said. It shouldn’t hurt, after everything that Voldemort had done this shouldn’t hurt.

“So naive.” Voldemort said. It was mocking.

“You have killed and tortured and hurt. You have tricked and mislead me, but you have never told me a lie before.” Harry said and it sounded broken. Harry’s words felt like one of the older orphanage kids stealing one of his toys.

For a second Voldemort wanted to take the curse back. “I didn’t have a reason to lie before.” Harry nodded, sadly accepting. 

For some reason Voldemort could not stand Harry’s hurt expression. He wanted to make it go away.

“Crucio.” Voldemort cast and Harry’s face contorted into a pained expression as he screamed. The hurt on Harry’s expression was pulled away and overtaken by pain.

When Voldemort lifted the curse the expression was back. Harry met Voldemort eyes. Red to green, green to red. There was hurt, betrayal and broken acceptance swirling in them. For once Voldemort gave in.

“Fine, I will honor your agreement .” Voldemort said softly.

The hurt was gone replaced by surprise. Voldemort liked that expression better.

“Bella.” He called.

She burst in “Yes master.”

“Take Potter to the dungeons.” Voldermort said lazily.

She grabbed a bewildered Harry and dragged him off. He stumbled behind her and they were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Voldemort cares...slightly and the torture fest is over. For those who are wondering Voldemort simply does not currently have veritaserum because it is a restricted substance he does not usually need it. With legilimency he simply hasn’t thought of it yet. Anyways kudos? Comments? The next chapter will be posted on July 22


	6. Fish

It was almost weird that he wasn’t waking up in a room that he entered unconscious. And that turned out to be boring, very boring. Really, It was ridiculous how much time he had previously been unconscious, and time seemed to drag on for an eternity when it was spent in a pitch black room with nothing but a blanket. Or a house elf with food if you counted when tippy came down to give him food.

Still, it didn’t make him any less hesitant to see Voldemort when Bellatrix came knocking at the door. Who knew if a few hours would make him change his mind about torturing Harry into a living hell. Still, a little light would be nice. Also a mattress, that would also would have been nice. All hesitation aside it wasn’t like he had a choice when Bellatrix dragged him up to Voldemort’s study.

“Bellatrix.” Voldemort said softly.

“Yes master?” Bellatrix bowed slightly.

Voldemort seemed to hesitate, unsure of himself “kill Harry Potter.”

Harry’s eyes widened and his glaze shifted between Bellatrix and Voldemort.

“But I thought you...” Bellatrix began as surprised as Harry at the order.

“You thought wrong, now, do not make me wait longer.” He said quietly.

Quickly she turned to him and drew her wand in a flourish “Avada Kedavra” there was a blast of green light. The spell hit him like a wodden box thrown at his chest and an aching stretched felling resided. Like something had tried to break free and failed but it’s struggle changed the space around it so it didn’t quite fit anymore.

Harry coughed twice.

“Hmm...” Voldemort turned and paced while Bellatrix stared at Harry in shock.

“...should I try a different method, master?” She asked her cruel voice just soft and hesitant.

“No, return him to the cellar. Things need to be reconsidered.”

“Yes master.” She said and dragged Harry down the stairs and pushed him back into the darkness.

Slowly the ache faded from his chest as he laid down and stared up into blackness until sleep overtook him. When he woke up he stared into blackness some more until Bellatrix burst through the door.

Soon he was being pushed into Voldemort’s study.

“Leave us.” Voldermort told Bellatrix and she rushed out.

“Harry Potter, Is there something that would convince you to divulge your secrets of immortality?” Voldemort asked quietly. 

Oh the irony of someone on his death bed being called immortal. This time it was Harry who laughed, an incredulous but a genuine one. “I would hardly call myself immortal.”

“The what would you call it?” Voldermort asked.

Harry tilted his head slightly “now that would be telling.”

Voldemort looked at him considering. Red to green, green to red. “You didn’t answer my question, is there anything that would convince you to tell me your secrets?”

“No.”

“There are other ways to find out.” Voldemort hissed.

“And I hope they fail.” 

“They won’t.” Voldemort hissed before casting a barrage of wordless spells that made Harry glow different colors or put different symbols above his head until one turned him into a fish. A small, flopping, suffocating fish. It was unpleasant but definitely preferable to the cruciatus curse. After a moment of Voldemort straight up gawking at him that which looked most unnatural, Voldemort turned him back into a human. 

“That shouldn’t have happened.” Voldemort said softly and he was waving his wand again. Harry couldn’t imagine that the fault would be on Voldemort’s part so it had to do with him. He immediately thought that the ritual may be interfering, but no, that wasn’t one of the many side effects. Then mothers love? It never interfered with anything but the first killing curse and Voldemort’s touch before. Eh, what did it matter anyways?

Harry was once more a fish, however he was almost instantly human again. 

“Tippy.” Voldemort called out. The elf appeared a half second later.

“What can tippy be’s doing for you today, master, lord, no name, sir?” The elf said meekly but with a slight smile at the end.

Harry burst out laughing. 

Voldemort turned to Harry “Crucio.” And Harry’s laughs turned to screams. Voldemort didn’t even hold it long enough Harry to fall down.

He turned back to the elf “One title is enough.”

“But master, lord, no name be’s so great he’s getting more.” The elf said and as Harry fought to hold in his laughter he could swear that he heard a twinge of sarcasm. Voldemort rubbed his temples and sighed. “Just fetch me Mongo Bonham’s advanced diagnostic charms volume three, a summary of Paracelsus’s experiments on spell application on wizards and a summary of Paracelsus’s experiments on the effect of residual magic concerning spell application.

After a minute of awkward silence the elf popped back with three large tombs that it struggled under the weight of. Voldemort garbed the books and waved the elf off.

“Stay there and do not disturb me.” Voldemort ordered then turned to page through the books at his desk. Harry just stood there silently waiting, feeling very awkward. After about fifteen minutes of reading he turned back towards Harry and cast another rapid succession of spells that made him glow, produced symbols or simply did nothing. He then turned back to his books ignoring Harry again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading hoped you liked it. Kudos? comments? The next chapter will be posted on the 29th. 
> 
> Now I would like to talk about constructive criticism in the comments. Unlike some other writers it is encouraged here because I want to improve my writing and learning others opinions helps me know what is working and what isn’t. However I would like to emphasize that bashing my work is not allowed and any comment that is basically “you suck” Or something similar will be removed (I thankfully haven’t gotten anything like this yet). However something that is respectful specific criticism will be considered and will change my writing in the future if I believe the point valid. Hypothetical Examples might be: “the adjectives you use to describe Bellatrix make her sound like a cruel bunny I think these would be more fitting...” or “Voldemort’s speech pattern sounds too normal it is more like this...” or “this particular thing that Harry did seemed out of character and broke my suspension of disbelief” Comments like these, as long as they respectful, are probably some of my favorites because they make this story better and me a better writer, especially if you show me how a what the change would like like. Now suppose someone comments for me to change something that you like, well comment that you like what I am currently doing. This happened last chapter when someone thought the red to green, green to red thing was ridiculous, when I had frist put it in I was slightly unsure of it but also slightly liked it. When this person told me that it came across negatively I would have changed it but a few people commented that they liked it so I am keeping it. So in summary if you have constructive criticism, I would like to hear it just keep it respectful.
> 
> Also side note, posting your comment on the most recent chapter even if you aren’t that far or say your comment concerns chapter two or something makes it much easier for me to find the new comments. So it would be nice if everyone could post comments on the most recent chapter.


	7. Legilimens

It had been four days since Voldemort had started casting every spell imaginable on him. This had turned into a routine. Get dragged up from the dungeons by Bellatrix, sit silently as Voldemort skimmed large books in between spell casting, then go back down to the dungeons. With each passing day his emotions faded and every time he imagined his friends with their happy lives he felt increasingly hollow inside. But the image was the only thing that brought him happiness anymore. As for sadness and anger they laid dormant along with all of his other emotions. He had never thought that the apathy side effect of the ritual would be this pronounced.

After the second day none of the spells were the beige diagnostic charms that Voldemort had started out with. By the effects alone it was impossible to tell which were malfunctioning. But Harry would turn blue then Voldemort would cancel the spell. He wouldn’t be able to breath then he would be able to. Then he would burst into laughter for no reason, other than a spell forcing him to and Voldemort would frown slightly and maybe tisk quietly, making it apparent that the spell went wrong, before quickly canceling the effects of the spell.

After the second day they started talking, not much but a few sentences here and there. 

“You are so subdued Harry, It isn’t like you.” Voldemort had said with a false sense intimacy.

“I don’t think I’ve felt a thing in days.” And maybe he was over sharing.

“Crucio.” Voldemort cast making Harry scream. Luckily he didn’t hold it long. “It certainly looks like you felt that.” Voldermort said blandly while Harry was still recovering from the after shocks of the curse. 

Harry didn’t glare, he wasn’t angry. He was just hallow “ I meant emotions.”

“So If I were to kill your little muddblood you wouldn’t feel sad?” Voldemort asked.

“No, I don’t think I would be able to.” Harry said blandly “but I would still do anything to keep Hermione alive and happy.” 

“I thought you didn’t care.” Voldemort said with a curious tint to his voice.

“I don’t.” 

“Then why”

There was a flicker of something but it was too small, too fleeting. “It’s just what I do for the people I love!”

For some reason Voldemort looked slightly shocked. After a second that Harry thought might have mattered Voldemort said ‘interesting’ quietly and turned back to his work.

Later that day Harry asked Voldemort why he bothered with the elaborate plan of entering him into the triwzard tournament; it was actually a semi logical reason.

“Are you afraid of death, Harry” Voldemort asked him the next day.

“Yes, but I fear other things much more.” Harry paused. “Are you afraid of death?”

Voldemort looked like he wanted to Crucio him. “I have conquered death and emerged victorious”

Harry smiled slightly because he thought he would have smiled at that before “you would say that.” And Voldemort turned back to his work in a huff.

And it was strange, to see Voldemort cast normal spells; light spells. To see him sitting above a book silently reading, and jotting down notes. To see his body, so inhuman and monstrous, act human and exhibit human quirks, like tracing shapes with his free hand. Small shapes mind you, but it was the type thing Harry noticed when he was trapped in a room with Voldemort for hours on end. Perhaps the most human and troubling of anything was the minuscule, frightened, flinch at loud noises. If Voldemort still looked like Tom Riddle, Harry could have mistaken him for a peaceful and soft spoken but authoritative academic. But with Voldemort like he was, it was like watching an Acromantula play a princes in a children’s book. Just downright wrong.

Bellatrix shoved him into the study on his tenth day of captivity.

“Harry, I will know what you have done soon enough.” Voldemort taunted.

Harry rolled his eyes and sat down. As far as he could tell Voldemort had been just as confused yesterday as the day before.

“So I, generous as I am, will offer you one last chance to trade the information for something before it is worthless.” 

Harry looked Voldemort in the eye, passive. “I will bet on your method failing or it being a bluff then.”

“It is not a bluff Harry.”

“Then I will bet on it failing. I’ve always had terrible luck, but it has been a weird sort of terrible luck that unfathomably works out in my favor at the end of the day.” Harry said blandly.

Voldemort scoffed mildly but with a slight smile. Red to green, green to red.

“legilimens” Voldemort cast and for a second Harry thought Voldemort had succeeded.

Then the spell caused Harry to fly forward, towards Voldemort crashing into the older wizard and knocking them both over in a tangle of limbs. In the confusion Harry was quicker to react, it was some combination of hoping for another miscast spell and incredibly quick seeker reflexes that allowed him to grab Voldemort’s wand.

This was how Harry found himself holding Voldemort at wand point. His fist instinct was to flee. His second was: Voldemort unarmed at wand-point! When will this chance ever present itself again? His excitement was damp sparks, his anger was gone and killing Voldemort was something he remembered wanting. But what did he have now other than the convictions of the person he used to be?

He only knew one spell that caused death and with how he was now, the incantation came easier than breathing. “Avada Kedavra.” Voldemort’s eyes widened in fear.

The spell didn’t even produce sparks. 

Voldemort recovered quickly and with a wave of his hand the wand flew to his hand. Of course Voldemort knew wandless magic.

“You really do have the best terrible luck.” Voldemort said. And that was that.

The only thing that changed was Voldemort applying some shield spells and runes before casting. Two days later Harry was being brought to a strangely decorated circular room instead of the study.

“It’s a ritual room.” Came Voldemort’s quiet voice. “I came across something interesting yesterday, you may either corporate or be forced.”

“I’d rather not be forced.” Harry said.

Voldemort pulled a knife out of his robes and handed it to Harry.

“Over the cauldron if you please.”

It was almost like casting Custos Vitae again, but this time it was for something sinister that he didn’t want. Harry rolled his eyes and Voldemort made a gesture forwards silently telling Harry to do it already. Still, he would rather hold the knife himself instead of Voldemort or Bellatrix doing it for him. He shivered slightly; Bellatrix with a knife was something he certainly didn’t want to think of. Harry sighed and stepped forward before bringing the knife to his skin and let it rest there hesitant and light directly over the scar from where Wormtail had cut him. After a moment Harry quickly made a cut on his arm, perfectly reopening his previous scar, letting the blood fall into the cauldron as he winced slightly at the pain. 

“That is enough.” Voldemort said after a few seconds. Harry quickly pulled his arm back and tried to apply pressure to the cut. Voldemort came over to him. Harry looked up. Red to green, green to red.

Voldemort gasped the wrist of his injured arm gently with ice cold hands and pulled the arm out so the wound was exposed “here, let me.” Voldemort said softly as pushed Harry’s other hand away from the wound before quickly casting a spell that made the flesh knit back together leaving the previously scared skin unblemished. 

Voldemort’s hold on his wrist lingered after the wound healed and it was only then Harry realized that Voldemort’s touch no longer hurt like it used to. Red to green, green to red. Voldemort dropped his wrist.

“Leave now, Bellatrix should be waiting outside for you.” 

Harry complied quickly, slightly confused and hollow as always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I will try to update before the 6th but it will definitely be up by the 10th. Anyways what do you think? Kudos? Comments?


	8. Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry does not have a snake fetish.

“Get up boy.” Bellatrix ordered as she burst through the dungeon doors. 

He was already up. He had been since a vivid nightmare of Voldemort killing Cedric. He had also been particularly emotional in his dream, as in he had emotions. In his waking hours he was empty and in sleep he was tormented by nightmares, fear and loss. He didn’t know which was worse. Bellatrix grabbed him and started dragging him up. 

They arrived and she threw him into the study. Waiting for him was a wizard with nearly styled jet black hair, sharp, stunning looks and red eyes. That was when Harry realized that this was Voldemort. It was blatantly obvious now, that the wizard was Tom Riddle but older. He looked to be in his late thirties, maybe, but he knew Voldemort was much older than that.

“You are gawking Harry.” Voldemort said and Harry shut his mouth. So that was what the ritual did? It was surprising, he had thought Voldemort preferred his snake look for intimidation or something. Harry sat down preparing for the countless spells that would be cast on him.

As the day went by Harry noticed that it was harder to think of Voldemort as monstrous or inhuman. When Voldemort traced small shapes it looked more like a normal human habit. When one of the spells reacted strangely with Harry making a loud explosive noise, the resulting slight flinch no longer looked wrong but rather Harry wondered what happened to make Voldemort scared of loud noises, Then he remembered that this was Voldemort and dismissed the notion as stupid, how could a dark lord be afraid of loud noises? When Voldemort sat over a book reading Harry had to keep reminding himself that this was Voldemort and not some academic. Harry wished that Voldemort looked less human.

It took a day for them to start talking again

“What do you want Harry?” Voldermort asked. 

“My friends to have happy lives...for the longest time it was affection...my relatives that raised were...well...they hated magic. Now I just want the people that were able to give me that to be happy.” And it was almost too easy to say things like this when he didn’t care.

Voldemort looked thoughtful. 

“You want power and greatness right?” Harry asked

“Yesssss.” Voldemort hissed.

The next day Voldemort asked “How can you not hate muggles?”

“Well, It isn’t fair to judge a whole group of people on the actions of a few. My relatives were worse than most” Harry answered and Voldemort turned back to his work.

Harry sat on the floor waiting for Voldemort to finish reading and begin the next round of spell casting or for Voldemort to dismiss him. These sessions usually lasted nine to eleven rounds of spell casting. There had been nine rounds already. Voldemort turned around and cast five rapid spells in rapid succession, an unusually small amount, before turning around jotting down a note.

“You may go now.” Voldemort said lazily. Harry stood up and began to walk towards the door.

“Wait.” Voldemort said in a tone that Harry didn’t recognize. Harry turned to see hesitation on Voldemort’s face.

“Yes?” Harry said when Voldemort still hadn’t said anything yet. The look cleared from Voldemort’s face.

“Tippy,” the elf popped in “fetch Bellatrix to retrieve Harry.” Voldemort said. That’s right, Bellatrix had to escort him everywhere. Voldemort usually called Tippy immediately after he was dismissed.

“Yes ma...” 

“Go” Voldemort said sharply. 

Voldemort was unusually silent the next day.

“It’s raining today.” Harry said breaking the silence.

“That it is. Your eyes are green. Are we pointing out the obvious today?” Voldemort said.

“Sure, Malfoy manor is big.”

“The peacocks are almost as annoying as Lucius .”

“You are sitting at your desk.”

“You are sitting on the floor.”

“You are a dark lord.”

“You are the golden boy.”

“This isn’t bad.” Harry said quieter than the previous statements.

Voldemort’s features went soft. “No it isn’t.”

The next day Voldemort asked him how Narcissa caught him. Apparently he hadn’t bothered to ask her when it happened.

“I wonder if I would still like flying.” Harry said later that day starring out the window.

“I invented broom-less flight.” Voldemort said proudly. Somehow it came off a bit like Malfoy bragging but it was much warmer.

“Impressive.” Voldermort looked smug, but maybe this time he deserved it.

Once again Harry found himself waiting to be dismissed, it had been ten rounds now. Harry waited some more and thought of his friends. Another round of spell casting. That made eleven now. Voldemort wrote something on the paper, before turning back towards him.

“You may go now.” Harry began to get up. 

“Actually,” Voldemort’s tone was hesitant, that was rare. “do you want to stay?”

It was very strange. Why would Voldemort want him to stay? Wasn’t Voldemort done casting spells. Actually that wasn’t correct, if Voldemort wanted him to stay he would have been commanded or he wouldn’t have been dismissed in the first place. Voldemort was asking him if he wanted to stay, and really, that was much stranger. 

“Yes, the dungeons are pitch black.” 

“The dungeons here remind me of muggle bomb shelters.” Voldemort said softly. Why would Voldemort have been in a bomb shelter. Had...he gone down into one to kill some Muggles hiding there or something? Harry certainly couldn’t imagine any other reason for Voldemort to have been in one. 

Harry subconsciously sat down slightly closer than usual. Voldemort levitated the mountain of books to a different corner of the room and switched the pile of notes for a different pile of notes in his drawer. Harry had no clue what Voldemort was working on now, it probably wasn’t something involving him because he was no longer being subject to countless spells. Harry sat there quietly as Voldemort did what was probably dark lord things, Harry could only guess what it was. It was clear that he wasn’t needed, he was just there.

It must have been awhile since when he would have been dismissed because the sun had shifted positions. It was very weird but much better than a dark damp dungeon.

Voldemort turned towards him “Are your friends competent?”

They probably weren’t by Voldemort’s standards “I think so.” 

“I find very few people competent.” 

“Last year Hermione used the protean charm to change the serial numbers on fake gallons to a date and time in order to organize meetings to a illicit defense club in an way that wouldn’t be detected.” Harry said with hollow pride.

“I don’t suppose she would be interested in becoming a death eater?” Voldemort asked.

“Definitely not.” Harry hesitated “and she’s a muggleborn.” 

Voldemort made a face.

“Why do you hate muggleborns so much?” Harry paused “I get it with someone like Malfoy who grew with the prejudice for his whole life and never interacted with a muggleborn or muggle until he already hated them, but you’re a halfblood, like me.”

Voldemort sighed “mudbloods” even hollow as Harry was, he cringed at the word. “Tend to like muggles and their muggle customs, they refuse to adapt to wizarding traditions and instead impose their muggle values upon us.” Voldemort paused “that, and it is a stance that greatly appeals to my death eaters.”

“Oh” Harry hadn’t expected there to be an actual reason, certainly not the last part. Voldemort went back to reading. 

A great deal of time latter; when it was well into evening, when Voldemort had put away his work. He called tippy to fetch Bellatrix.

“The manor is warded to prevent anyone unauthorized from leaving or entering the premises, it also tracks the location of every person.” Voldemort said lazily.

“Umm...ok?” So apparently even if he got a good opening it would still be very hard to escape.

“Stay put.” Voldemort commanded then left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think? Are you excited by the quick update? Kudos? Comments? 
> 
> Ps I actually did the math and Harry is giving an accurate approximation of how many spells Voldemort has cast, and yes that number is surprisingly realistic.


	9. Love and hate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***important*** new content has been added to chapters seven and eight. You can also read the new parts in the temporary bouns at the end of the chapter.

The next day Voldemort didn’t ask Harry if he wanted to stay, he just didn’t ask him to leave. And so began a new routine, albeit a strange and surreal one. Though maybe not so much more surreal things already were. He was Voldemort’s captive and didn’t mind it, as if anything could be more surreal than that.

 

Today Voldemort had been unusually focused, so they hadn't talked. Though after the sun had gone down and Voldemort turned to him instead of of just leaving.

 

“You’re staying in the dungeons.” Voldemort said.

 

“Yes” Harry replied even though it was more of a statement.

 

“Tippy.” Voldemort called and the elf appeared. “Fetch Bellatrix.” Voldemort said before the elf could start talking.

 

“Yes ma...”

 

“Go” Voldemort snapped and the elf popped off.

 

A few minuets later Bellatrix rushed in.

 

“Move Potter to one of the guest rooms on this floor.”

 

“Yes master.” Bellatrix bowed.

 

“Dismissed” Voldemort said. She started to leave. “Take the boy with you.” He added and she quickly grabbed Harry before leavingthe room.

 

The room he was put in was the same one as before. Too decadent and much better than dungeon. The first thing he did was take a shower, cleaning charms applied every so often just weren’t the same. Then he stayed up all night watching the moon rise from his window. As the sun started to rise he fell asleep on the chair that he had pulled over to the window.

 

When he finally woke up it was passed midday. Bellatrix should have been here to escort him by now. Voldemort should have been casting spells on him by now. It was disconcerted. He might have missed his nemesis if he had actually been able to feel things. Instead he sat on the ground by the desk in his room, a gentle reassurance for his hollow heart.

 

The next day things returned to normal.

 

He sat closer to Voldemort’s chair in the study than usual, but he was still a few yards away. Voldemort was currently staring intently at him, harry decided to ignore it.

 

“What are you thinking of.” Voldemort said quietly and softly, his voice hadn’t been hard lately.

 

“My friends living happy lives.” He said simply.

 

“Always the perfect golden saint.” Voldermort said and Harry didn’t grace it with a reply. “Do you love all of them, would you die for all of them?”

 

“Yes. Do you love no one?” Harry countered.

 

“I love Nagini.”

 

“Your snake.” Harry deadpanned.

 

“I don’t give my heart out to every stranger on the street.”

 

“Neither do I.” Harry said and they fell into a slightly less comfortable silence.

 

“Where is Nagini?” Harry asked later, after the sun had set.

 

“She is out looking for a wand.”

 

“Can a snake use a wand?”

 

“No, it is for me.”

 

“But you already have a wand.” Harry said confused.

 

“But this is a legendary wand of great power. One of the deathly hallows.” Voldermort said with desire in his eyes.

 

“What are those?”

 

“Three powerful artifacts said to make you the master of death. A cloak of invisibility, a resurrection stone, and the elder wand.” Voldemort paused “I already have the stone”

 

“The cloak... how does it differ from a regular one?” Harry asked with a small spark of something.

 

“It hides you from even death, that and there is no wear. Normal cloaks only last a few years.”

 

Harry’s eyes widened.

 

“And are you trying to collect all three?”

 

“Of course.” Voldemort answered and things died into a comfortable silence.

 

For some reason there had been less spells that had misfired, and that the spells that didn’t go wonky seemed more bland somehow. Either way Harry didn’t put too much thought into it. A few days went by.

 

“Are people either things to be used, or obstacles in your way?” Harry asked. It was still so weird, Voldemort was the last person expected he would ever have a comfortable rapport with, but here he was.

 

“Yes, mostly.” Voldemort answered and things fell into silence for a few hours.

 

Two more rounds of spell casting that didn’t bother him.

 

“Your not in one of those categories Harry.”

 

“Oh, what am I?”

 

“Confusing.” Voldemort said softly after a pause.

 

“Your Confusing too.”

 

“Your also entirely too predictable.”

 

“Well what would you expect from the Gryffindor golden boy?”

 

“Someone I would hate.” Voldemort said leaving the second part of the sentence unsaid. I don’t hate you Harry.

 

“If I still had emotions, I don’t think I would hate you anymore.” Harry said two days later.

 

* * *

 

 

Temporary-ish bonus-ish thing (the extra content that has been added to chapters seven and eight, you can read these bonus sections in context in chapters seven and eight)

 

“You are so subdued Harry, It isn’t like you.” Voldemort had said with a false sense intimacy.

 

“I don’t think I’ve felt a thing in days.” And maybe he was over sharing.

 

“Crucio.” Voldemort cast making Harry scream. Luckily he didn’t hold it long. “It certainly looks like you felt that.” Voldermort said blandly while Harry was still recovering from the after shocks of the curse.

 

Harry didn’t glare, he wasn’t angry. He was just hallow “ I meant emotions.”

 

“So If I were to kill your little muddblood you wouldn’t feel sad?” Voldemort asked.

 

“No, I don’t think I would be able to.” Harry said blandly “but I would still do anything to keep Hermione alive and happy.”

 

“I thought you didn’t care.” Voldemort said with a curious tint to his voice.

 

“I don’t.”

 

“Then why”

 

There was a flicker of something but it was too small, too fleeting. “It’s just what I do for the people I love!”

 

For some reason Voldemort looked slightly shocked. After a second that Harry thought might have mattered Voldemort said ‘interesting’ quietly and turned back to his work.

 

Later that day Harry asked Voldemort why he bothered with the elaborate plan of entering him into the triwzard tournament; it was actually a semi logical reason.

 

“Are you afraid of death, Harry” Voldemort asked him the next day.

 

“Yes, but I fear other things much more.” Harry paused. “Are you afraid of death?”

 

Voldemort looked like he wanted to Crucio him. “I have conquered death and emerged victorious”

 

Harry smiled slightly because he thought he would have smiled at that before “you would say that.” And Voldemort turned back to his work in a huff.

 

— — — — —

 

“What do you want Harry?” Voldermort asked.

 

“My friends to have happy lives...for the longest time it was affection...my relatives that raised were...well...they hated magic. Now I just want the people that were able to give me that to be happy.” And it was almost too easy to say things like this when he didn’t care.

 

Voldemort looked thoughtful.

 

“You want power and greatness right?” Harry asked

 

“Yesssss.” Voldemort hissed.

 

The next day Voldemort asked “How can you not hate muggles?”

 

“Well, It isn’t fair to judge a whole group of people on the actions of a few. My relatives were worse than most” Harry answered and Voldemort turned back to his work.

 

— — — — —

 

Voldemort was unusually silent the next day.

 

“It’s raining today.” Harry said breaking the silence.

 

“That it is. Your eyes are green. Are we pointing out the obvious today?” Voldemort said.

 

“Sure, Malfoy manor is big.”

 

“The peacocks are almost as annoying as Lucius .”

 

“You are sitting at your desk.”

 

“You are sitting on the floor.”

 

“You are a dark lord.”

 

“You are the golden boy.”

 

“This isn’t bad.” Harry said quieter than the previous statements.

 

Voldemort’s features went soft. “No it isn’t.”

 

The next day Voldemort asked him how Narcissa caught him. Apparently he hadn’t bothered to ask her when it happened.

 

“I wonder if I would still like flying.” Harry said later that day starring out the window.

 

“I invented broom-less flight.” Voldemort said proudly. Somehow it came off a bit like Malfoy bragging but it was much warmer.

 

“Impressive.” Voldermort looked smug, but maybe this time he deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it. Kudos? Comments. Again the “temporary bonus” is conversations that were inserted into chapters seven and eight. It is actually one of the reasons that this chapter took so long to write. I realized that I should probably have an idea of what Harry and Voldemort were talking about even if it wasn’t going to be included in the chapters. So I went back and planned out what happens each day and it turns out that a bunch of significant conversations happened that weren’t included so I had to go back and include them. But a third of the conversations still aren’t even mentioned. Also there was this scenes acouple chapters away that I really wanted to write so there’s that. There will be an update before the the 30th. (I’m like 90 percent sure.)


	10. Close

Harry shot forward, flying towards Voldemort. Voldemort fell over with the impact, knocked back a few feet and they landed in a tangle of limbs. First Harry’s left arm hit Voldemort’s stomach, then Harry’s right leg went between Voldemort’s legs. Their chests and sides of their faces met. Finally, inexplicably, Voldemort’s arms wrapped around Harry’s lower back. Harry’s reaction wasn’t so quick this time but he was still the first to move. Well, first to try to move. It was like he was attached to Voldemort with elastics, and he couldn’t remove any part of himself that was touching Voldemort further than half an inch. 

Voldemort had been casting his usual string of spells when this happened. Spell after spell and now this.

“I don’t think I will be able to cast a counter like this, Harry.” Voldemort said very quietly, but in this position Voldemort was practically speaking the words directly into Harry’s ear. It was so close Harry could feel Voldemort’s breath.

“I have a free hand, do you think I would be able to manage it?” Harry said making sure that his right arm stayed as far away from Voldemort as possible.

“No, it would probably be too complex for you. Besides I would have to cast a few diagnostic charms first to determine how you made the spell go wrong.”

“Oh. What was the original spell that you were casting?”

“nobis adhæsit, you wouldn’t know it.”

“What does it do?” Harry asked quietly; his mouth was as close to Voldemort’s ear, as Voldemort’s mouth was to his.

“Um...makes your shadow green... sticking charms usually last five minutes to an hour.”

“I guess that’s not too bad.” Harry said. 

It really was only his left arm that came between them that was uncomfortable, but still it wasn’t worse than sitting on the floor. He was tense, it was strange awkward. Every two minutes or so Harry would try to pull away to see if the spell had ended yet; Voldemort did no such thing.

Around the same time Voldemort’s arms around his back gently pulled him tighter Harry stoped regularly checking if the spell had ended and relaxed into the spell induced embrace. Voldemort was warm and mostly firm, softer in some places. He closed his eyes; this was nice.

The next time he tried pulling away he was able to with no resistance.

“The spell ended.” Harry said getting up and walking over to where he usually sat. 

“Yes it did.” Voldemort said.

A few days pass uneventfully.

“I never learned what happened your third year Harry.” Voldemort had said. And so they talked about adventures at hogwarts; Voldemort had almost drowned once.

The next day Voldemort was gone. Harry simply slept, hoping for nightmares because even fear and sorrow were better than hollowness.

At least Voldemort was back the next day. And that was good? Maybe it was bad, but it felt like it was good.

What wasn’t good was the horrid painful aching feeling that was the result of Voldemort’s latest spell. Voldemort frowned slightly and tisked. Oh, so this was a miscast spell.

“It hurts, please reverse it.” Harry said flatly. 

Voldemort cast ten or so diagnostic charms. “It seems to act similar to subsidio mecum which causes the victim pain unless they maintain skin contact with another person. However the feel of the magic is different so neither finite or the specific counter would work. Though it should wear off in an hour.”

Harry winced, the aching pain in focused in chest got worse. Usually Voldemort was able to reverse the spells, even when they went wonky like this one. 

“Why don’t you come here Harry?” Volemort said in a odd simmering tone.

Harry followed Voldemort’s suggestion. Voldemort moved before Harry could process it. Harry was sitting on Voldemort’s lap with both of Voldemort’s arms around him and crossed. Voldemort held both of his hands. Immediately relief came and Harry half sighed, half moaned at Voldemort’s touch. There was a sharp intake of breath behind him. 

This time the position was better, and almost too comfortable. So comfortable that it took him a few minutes to come to his senses

“Skin contact is all that is required right?” Harry asked blandly.

“...yes.” Came Voldemort’s reply from behind him.

“Then couldn’t I just touch your ankle or something?” Harry asked.

“Would you rather just touch my ankle or something Harry?” Voldemort asked.

“No.”

“Then I don’t see why that matters.” Voldermort said, and Harry could hear the smile in his voice.

“Oh” Harry said and laid his head on Voldemort’s shoulder.

Unconsciously Harry matched his breathing to Voldemort’s. 

“Why were you gone yesterday?” Harry asked after a while.

“I had to lead an attack.” 

Harry imagined carnage in his mind. “I wish you wouldn’t do that.”

“It’s part of being a Dark Lord Harry.”

“Well I wish you wouldn’t do that either.” 

Voldemort laughed slightly and Harry felt the vibrations “What be a dark lord?”

“Yes!” 

“And what would you have me do instead?”

“Be an academic.”

“How...ordinary.” Voldemort said with distaste.

“Well you would be good at it.”

“I have never done anything poorly in my life” Voldemort said haughtily. 

Harry hummed quietly and closed his eyes.

The next day a spell sent Harry flying towards Voldemort, but they weren’t stuck together this time. Either way Voldemort held him for a few minutes before letting him go.

Two days later a miscast spell bound them together with ropes.

“There have been things I haven’t been telling you Harry.” Voldemort hissed into his ear while holding him.

“Obviously, I never expected you to share everything.” Harry said perplexed.

“Y-you understood that?” Voldemort said as if it was an impossible thing.

“Umm...yes?” 

“How? That was Parseltongue.” 

“Oh.” Now it made sense “I’m a speaker.” Harry said mildly.

“How?!” Voldemort asked louder than usual.

“Dumbledore.” Harry felt Voldemort momentarily tense up at the name “said that was because of some sort of power transfer the night you killed my parents.”

“More reasonable than the power of love defeating me.”

“Can you speak for me?” Voldemort asked a few minutes later.

“What you like me to say.” Harry hissed and Voldemort shuddered beneath him. The ropes dissolved. Voldemort pushed Harry away and stood up.

“It appears the spell ended early.” Voldermort said blandly.

“Hmm...yeah.” Harry agreed and went back to his usual spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think, kudos, comments? Anyways I’m really exited for the next chapter, it’s even already written. It will be posted on the 30st. Until next time :)
> 
> PS. As of August 25th new conversations between Harry and Voldemort have been added to chapters seven and eight. (They have also been added to a bonus in chapter eight)


	11. Go on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are not comfortable reading explicit sexual content between Harry and Voldemort you really shouldn’t read this story. Also what are you doing clicking on an explicit rated harry/Voldemort story in the first place?

Voldemort walked over and pulled him up from where he was sitting. With a crack they appeared in a bedroom. It was obesely decadent and much larger then Harry’s. The walls had artful snake patterns in dark greens and silver. Different shelves lined the room, all filled to the brim with books and trinkets. In one corner there was a simmering cauldron and a few feet from it was a large hanging transparent ball containing two baby dragons.

Voldemort pushed him onto the bed and kneeled on all fours above him. Red to green, green to red.

“Can I have you?”

Oh. OH. Harry looked up at Voldemort and he still couldn’t bring forth any emotion, even knowing what was being asked of him. The old Harry would have said no, hell no never in a million years. Now things were comfortable. After a small forever he answered “I’d prefer not.” The words were soft.

“Say no and I won’t.” Voldemort’s words were softer.

He honestly didn’t care anymore. The seconds dragged on between them until Voldemort lowered himself.

Voldemort started on his neck placing a gentle kiss there. Harry closed his eyes and tilted his head in a gentle submission.

Voldemort sucked and licked at his neck, gentle, almost reverent. As the seconds went by it started to feel better and slowly in the back of his mind a feeling of wonder and arousal filled him. It felt strange like it wasn’t his but it was the first thing that he felt in weeks and he didn’t want to let it go. Now he cared; he didn’t want it to stop.

Harry pushed up into Voldemort’s touch, as Voldemort moved down his collarbone. It wasn’t enough. He grabbed Voldemort’s hair to pull him into a kiss which Voldemort met gently at first before returning it fiercely. Elation, it filled him and Harry didn’t care that it wasn’t his. He was desperate for the feeling. 

When Voldemort’s tongue prodded at his lips Harry eagerly opened he mouth melting into the kiss. He let Voldemort roughly explore his mouth, and it felt divine, but when he moaned into the kiss it was because of the intensity of feeling that was pouring into him.

In an instant both their robes evaporated off them. Voldemort brought a hand to his cock squeezing the tip lightly before trailing barely there fingers up and down the length. Harry pushed into the touch as much as Voldemort let him, which wasn’t much, but it was glorious. It was Voldemort, and Harry thoroughly didn’t care that it was. 

“Ple..please.” Harry gasped braking away from the kiss. Voldemort was staring, and Harry realized how intimate this was. Something he hadn’t been able to comprehend before.

“Please what, Harry?” Voldemort said smugly. 

“N-nothing...perfect.”

Voldemort laughed slightly above him, and Harry was basking in the warmth and affection spilling over the link. “You certainly are something” Voldemort said warmly as he pushed Harry’s legs open before bringing a hand to circle Harry’s rim. 

With a spark of wandless magic an excessive amount of lube was smeared along the crack of his arse.

When Harry was almost used to the light stroking of his cock and the teasing touches around his arsehole, Voldemort stroked him hard and fast masking the finger that penetrated him harshly. It burned slightly and ached like rubbing a sore muscle after a grueling quidditch match. Somehow it felt undeniably right.

“Does it hurt?” Voldemort asked his finger still deep inside of Harry.

Harry slightly clenched around the intrusion before answering “no it’s...” and that was all he got out before Voldemort resumed his stroking distracting Harry from what he was about to say.

It continued with Voldemort fingering him at slightly different angels. Each time the burn subsided slightly and Harry met Voldemort’s finger more enthusiastically. It continued until Harry was moaning from Voldemort’s hands. Then Voldemort hit a spot that made the world spin with pleasure.

Harry’s hands flew to Voldemort’s back where they scratched small lines on Voldemort’s skin. Voldemort hissed and squeezed the base of Harry’s cock for a second making Harry whimper. 

“Feels good?” Voldemort asked smugly hitting that spot again.

“Yes...Yes, yes yes.” Harry babbled.

“So responsive, so hot.” Voldemort paused “that’s the prostate.” He added as an afterthought.

Voldemort smiled and slipped in a second finger. Harry gasped and Voldemort took advantage of the open mouth, swallowing the sounds Harry made each time Voldemort hit his prostate.

The slight pain of penetration had long stopped leaving Harry with only a satisfying fullness as he was deliciously stretched from Voldemort scissoring him and the intoxicating sparks that flew through him each time Voldemort hit his prostate with pinpoint accuracy.

A third finger entered him and Voldemort rubbed his cock faster, more harshly and each time Voldemort would circle the tip smearing precome down his length.

And it was building, with every time Voldemort hit his prostate and every movement on his cock. Desire and lust that weren’t his invaded him, and desire and lust that was his pooled in his stomach.

He came, clenched around Voldemort’s fingers, moaning Voldemort’s name.

Voldemort stilled, unsure and hesitant as Harry came down from his high. He withdrew his fingers. Harry was going crazy, because even sated clenching around nothing was unsatisfying.

This wouldn’t continue if Harry didn’t say anything, he could tell, it was written on Voldemort’s face and pouring over the link.

“Go on.” Harry said. Red to green, green to red. It was all so intense. He let his legs fall open just the slightest bit wider. The emotions pouring over the link warmed.

Voldemort pressed against his entrance the tip half in. 

“I won’t let you say no later.” Voldemort said, his voice deep and filthy like it hadn’t been before, his gaze absolutely wreaking Harry.

Harry wanted this. “Good.” Harry said and Voldemort entered him.

The fullness didn’t even compare to before. It ached and stretched him something fierce but it didn’t burn. When Voldemort hit his prostate it was a tender, too much type of pleasure. Harry buried his head into Voldemort’s shoulder and clung to his back arching up with a gasp.

“So tight Harry.” Voldemort said staring intently at Harry’s gasping form. His cock was still and deep within Harry.

When Voldemort was pulling out when it happened, all barriers broke. The emotion that filled Harry threatened to drown him; before it had only been a small leak. And Voldemort’s cock was filling his body making him feel exquisitely full.

It felt like he would never be hollow again. 

Harry pulled Voldemort down and opened his mouth for Voldemort to kiss him.

Voldemort fucked him hard and fast making him whimper and moan into the kiss and dig his fingers into Voldemort’s back. Voldemort’s tongue lewdly mimicked the actions of his hips, but his tongue was slower and deliberate compared to the fast pace of their hips. 

Harry was getting hard again. His cock slapped against Voldemort’s stomach each time Voldemort pounded into him. The pleasure was agonizingly intense and when Voldemort tugged at his cock Harry screamed, breaking the kiss. It was all he could do to not pull away from the thrusts. Everything was tender and too much. Yet somewhere in him he never wanted this to stop.

All too soon he was teetering on the edge again. Maybe it was just easier to come the second time or perhaps it had just been more stimulation. But Harry was meeting the trusts again, impaling himself on Voldemort’s cock. Gasping and whimpering into Voldemort’s shoulder loudly. Clinging to Voldemort’s back tighter.

He came with a broken moan, convulsing around Voldemort’s cock. And Voldemort was still fucking him hard, drawing out the orgasm. Over the link an almost desperate possessiveness filled him. Harry trembled completely wrecked, and it was still going.

“Yours.” Harry breathed out quietly.

“Mine... Yes fuck mine” Voldemort growled and came, filling him up with a few lazy thrusts.

Voldemort collapsed beside him pulling Harry tight against against him. They were both breathing hard and Harry’s limbs were jelly. He let out a contented sigh.

The emotions pouring over link were content, euphoric and worried. Harry weakly pushed into Voldemort’s touch, and hoped it might comfort Voldemort. 

Little by little Voldemort relaxed, eventually drawing small triangles on Harry’s chest. Something in that action hit Harry something powerful.

“Expecto Patronum” Harry whispered, not thinking of anything but that moment, right there.

Harry didn’t even have his wand but his stag still burst forth brighter then ever. Voldemort sat up and looked at the stag in awe.

“You don’t even know how much power you have.” Voldemort said and reached out to the stag. 

“No” Harry answered simply and pulled Voldemort back down. The stag laid down beside them resting it’s head on Voldemort’s side.

Voldemort pulled Harry tight and in no time he fell asleep in Voldemort’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think, I bet you thought this chapter was still in the distant future didn’t you? Anyways kudos? comments? I’d really like to see what you think. The next chapter will be posted on September 3. So until then.


	12. Emotions

Harry woke up alone, and hollow. But the sun was high enough in the sky for it to be mid-day, so maybe that was reasonable. There was a note on the bedside table.

“It was ten and you still weren’t awake Harry. I am in my study if you want to join me. You can borrow some robes in my closet, they probably won’t fit but shrinking charms work. PS. Don’t touch any object, about half of them are cursed. Especially the jewelry.”

The hollowness was worse now that it was abrupt. He turned the happiness, euphoria and desire of last night over and over again in his mind, fixated. Yet all were beyond his reach. It was oppressive, cruel and Harry wanted to mourn the loss. But he wasn’t sad, he was hollow and didn’t want to be alone.

Harry threw on some too large robes and took off towards Voldemort’s study

Voldemort was working on something, like always, and he turned to face Harry with a small smile.

“Harry, you’re finally up.”

It was like nothing Harry could describe inaccessible emotions raced through him leaving him hallow and desperate. Tears rolled down his cheek but Harry didn’t feel anything. Voldemort’s expression darkened.

“Can you open up the link, please?” Harry asked, his voice bland.

“The link?” Voldemort asked.

“I don’t know, it connects us, last night it was like I could feel your emotions...and that allowed me to access mine.”

Harry felt a pull then worry, apprehension and some lingering hurt and joy flooded into him.

Harry shuddered truly crying now, not the distorted mockery of the action that his tears were before. 

“T-thank you.” Harry said and ran towards Voldemort hugging him. Harry would have apologized but Voldemort wasn’t mad, he was relived if anything.

It was perfect, it was enough, but Harry was greedy. He wanted more, he wanted the overwhelming desire and elation of last night. He wanted the warmth and contentment. It was a desperate desire.

There was a moment of shock from Voldemort’s side of the link, reacting to Harry’s emotions. Harry pulled back. There was a slight echo of desire coming back to him over the link. Harry looked up at Voldemort. Red to green, green to red.

Harry pulled Voldemort’s head down and opened his mouth desperately as Voldemort’s lips met his. Tongue roughing explored his mouth, mapping out every corner and forcing him to submit. Emotions blossomed and Harry was almost hysterical with elation. 

Their cloths evaporated and Voldemort backed him into the nearest wall. Bare skin pressed hard into him at every point Voldemort could touch. It was everything Harry wanted.

Voldemort lifted Harry’s legs to his shoulders in a fluid, lighting quick, movement. Voldemort smeared lube onto his hole and quick fingered him, one, two, then three fingers and one more motion where he scissored him before he removed his fingers and lined up his cock. Harry buried his head in Voldemort’s shoulder.

Voldemort entered him hard and fast, already moving despite Harry’s muffled scream and the finger’s digging into his back. Voldemort’s second thrust was harder than his first and it hit Harry’s prostate.

Even after last night it burned, the stretch was too much too quickly, and there was more pain than pleasure. But that was fine, Harry wanted it fast, hard and now. He wanted Voldemort to fuck him and never stop. And when they stoped he wanted to feel it for days.

Harry gasped through the pain. “Don’t st-stop.” Harry breathed out. 

Voldemort smiled; Harry couldn’t see it see it but he just knew. Voldemort’s satisfaction and desire overtook Harry. 

Voldemort grabbed Harry’s chin hard enough to bruise and roughy forced Harry’s mouth to his and devoured it. Harry could only moan into the kiss and let Voldemort do as he pleased.

The burn and pain subsided while Voldemort kept up the pace. Harry tried to meet Voldemort’s trusts but it was too much for him. His thighs trembled and his moans turned to whimpers in Voldemort’s mouth. Voldemort didn’t slow any and Harry didn’t want him to.

Harry remembered his orgasm last night and Voldemort’s emotions turned possessive. 

Voldemort pulled Harry away from the kiss.

“Say it.” Voldemort order lowly

There was no question what it was. “Yours... yours yours y-yours yours.” Then almost instinctively “yoursss” Harry hissed in Parseltongue.

“Merlin.” Voldemort quickly breathed before biting into Harry’s neck and coming, filling up Harry’s ass.

Voldemort took Harry into his hand and pumped Harry hard a few times before Harry came.

They were both breathing hard, foreheads pressed together. Red to green, green to red. 

Voldemort leaned in and kissed Harry slow, gentle and deliberate. They exact opposite of how things had been seconds ago.

It took minutes for Voldemort to open Harry’s mouth. Like this the roles were equal. Slow moves of the tongue. Voldemort invading Harry’s mouth, and Harry invading his in turn. In the brief pauses where one of them momentarily broke the kiss Harry would hiss ‘yours’ before Voldemort claimed his mouth again. The kissing lasted longer than the sex and was almost more intimate.

Later that evening Harry sat on the floor by Voldemort’s feet. Voldemort’s hand messed with his hair and Harry contently pushed into the touch. Harry knew Voldemort was working on plans for conquering Britain, but it was too soon since Harry had got back his feelings for it to matter.

“Please tell me why you can’t die, why spells go awry when cast on you.” There wasn’t any ill will in the words.

This was not just about him. Even now he wouldn’t tell Voldemort. “No.”

“I won’t hurt you Harry.” 

“If this was only about me I would have told you everything the first time you tortured me.” Resentment bled through his voice and the link.

“I’m sorry, I regret that now.”

“Is it just me?” Harry asked. The correct answer was no and it bled through the link.

“Yes.” It was better than a lie.

“I wish it wasn’t.”

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think? Kudos? Comments. I didn’t intend on writing another smut chapter so soon but Harry wanted to have sex so... don’t think this will become porn without plot because it won’t. Anyways I might have a harder time writing the next chapter but it shouldn’t take much longer than a week. Until next time :)


	13. Regret

The thing with Voldemort, It was good, so good. And yet it was Voldemort who tortured him and killed his parents. Voldemort who started a war that threatened his friends. When he had no emotions it was, easy, so easy, to get to know the the man behind the monster, to put the past behind him. When the link had first opened it wasn’t really his emotions that he had been feeling, it had been Voldemort’s. And if that didn’t mess with someone’s perspective, Harry didn’t know what did.

Now he felt his own emotions more than he felt Voldemort’s, not that he didn’t feel an echo of everything Voldemort felt because he did, but he was himself enough to realize he hated Voldemort and never really got over it. He hated Voldemort because nothing had really changed. Yesterday he had asked Voldemort what would happen to Muggleborns under his rule and the answer wasn’t much better than he had expected. He had then asked if Voldemort could reconsider, and the answer was no. It was no because nothing had changed; Voldemort was still a dark lord and Harry was still the golden boy.

And yet... and yet when Voldemort kissed him sparks flew. Last night Volemort had fucked him slow and deep, for hours, until he came untouched. By the end of it every worry had evaporated until it was just them and it was brilliant. When they talked it was comfortable and good, well it had been at least. They were friendly and Harry genuinely liked Voldemort. In some ways they understood each other like no one else ever could, and in different ways they would never understand each other at all.

Most of all Harry wanted things to be like they were when it started. He only had a year or two left and he wanted to be happy. This thing with Voldemort made him happy, even if it had only been a few days it was the happiest he had been in a long time. But when he thought about it felt wrong. After he let Voldemort kiss him it felt like had betrayed his friends, his parents. And in the morning, when he was alone in bed, he was a little horrified that he had ever slept with the man. It felt like regret. 

He was sitting further away from Voldemort now. Regret and distress echoed between them. That was one thing about the link, when it was good it was amplifying echoes of happiness but it was true in reverse too. The silence was thick and oppressive.

“Have you dated anyone before?” Harry blurted out quickly, it surprised even him.

“You could say that, but all my past relationships were only tools I used to persuade.” Voldermort said, his tone matter of fact. “A few of them weren’t unpleasant but I hardly liked any of them.

“But that’s not the case with me?”

“No, it’s not.” His tone was soft now. “And you Harry? Have you dated before?”

“I liked one girl, but we only went on one horrible date and one had horrible kiss. I would hardly count it as anything.”

“Oh.” Voldermort paused “I would have thought girls would throw themselves at the boy who lived?”

“I guess, I hardly had time to focus on that with school and...” Harry paused, it was clear what he meant to say “Quidditch.” That wasn’t it.

“But this girl...you liked her?” Voldermort asked and an uneasy feeling came leaked into Harry from the link.

“...yes”

“Who was she.” Voldermort asked the link turning jealous.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I won’t kill her.”

“It still doesn’t mater!” Harry said his voice getting slightly louder. The silence returned as oppressive as ever, perhaps more so. He should have offered something else to continue the conversation. Voldemort turned back to book 

“What do you regret?” Volemort asked later on.

“Nothing!” Harry said in a voice that was too loud for secluded room.

“You do.” Voldermort insisted and he was right. “At least I don’t tell obvious lies.”

“Just ignore it.” Harry’s voice was shaky.

Voldemort looked at him intensely and Harry couldn’t distinguish the mess of emotions echoing over the link.

“Then why don’t you come sit by me?” 

Harry wanted to, and he didn’t want to. He got up and sat by Voldemort’s feet; his head resting on the side of Voldemort’s legs. Voldemort’s fingers ran through his hair. Harry wanted to sigh at the comforting touch and cringe away from it at the same time. He forced himself to only sigh. 

What did it matter if he found happiness with Voldemort for these last few years? He had already done his part, he had set the light up for victory and protected his friends. It wasn’t like Voldemort was asking him to be a Death Eater or torture muggles. 

It felt like paper logic, because surely something right wouldn’t feel like he was betraying his friends. Voldemort caressed the back of his neck; Merlin he could almost forget any doubts with a single touch like that. What did say about him if he could enjoy the presence of someone as terrible as Voldermort for even a single second, let alone for the hours Harry had let Voldemort fuck him.

“Kiss me Harry.” It wouldn’t be like Voldemort overlook Harry’s slight change in mood.

Seconds later Harry sat in Voldemort’s lap, letting Voldemort kiss the corners of his mouth, breathing in erratic gasps. Finally Voldermort took control of his mouth and nothing else mattered. The light was slightly different when Voldemort pulled away.

“Say it.” Voldermort commanded

“Yours.” It wasn’t true, but it was soothing.

Voldemort inserted two fingers into his mouth, using them to force Harry to tip back his head before sucking dark marks into Harry’s neck.

Later Harry was sitting by Voldemort’s side again and by the time the sun had set his regret had quieted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took so long to get that up, school just started and it has been hectic. Anyways I hope that you liked the chapter. Kudos, Comments? I will try to get the next chapter up sooner.


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